The Answer to All
Recently my life has been CRAZY. I mean decision making, stress eating, retail-therapy-needed sort of crazy. It seems like one thing after the next. A decision I need to make quickly for the direction I'm moving in my future. Loss of a relationship. Crazy doctor results that seemed so unexpected and unwanted. And a whole lot of dealing with these issues just me + Jesus.
This season has been a hard one, to say it the least. I struggle with knowing how to handle myself and situations in the times that aren't fun. I don't quite know how to heal, how to mourn, and how to be honest about them. The hard things continue to pile up one after another until the straw breaks the camel's back- always in the most awkward times, such as wanting to cry when a little girl asks me if I know how to ride a skate board. Don't even ask.
I've been blessed with people who genuinely care about me; so much so that it overwhelms me. They are little glimpses of the Lord's love for me, and I'm incredibly blessed by it. However, like all hard seasons are, this one can be incredible lonely. Drives spent with the car window rolled down, and a mind that won't stop thinking about what's next. Conversations with people that seem to be somewhere other than where my brain is. A heart that won't stop desiring, and a soul that doesn't want to let go. My questions always seem to be:
"What's next Lord?"
"How can this be redeemed?"
This season of hardship has been key in experiencing the truest form of joy I ever have had. I've found that by repeating, "The joy of the Lord is my strength" has caused me to reflect on the good things the Lord is doing in this season. The knowledge that He is working in my life allows me to push toward perseverance. Admitting in vulnerability that my life isn't perfect and I'm in a rough spot has created a genuine spirit within me. Through a change of mindset of focusing not what is wrong in my life, but what is my right has led me to receive an answer in every single, chaotic, question my mind has.
Here's the quote by one of my favorite dudes to ever walk the planet. I'm hoping it will resinate with your soul and provide an answer for you as well. I firmly believe this answers all questions and doubts of life.
"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself, the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?" -C.S. Lewis
It came to me randomly, in a time I needed it. The simple quote I read as a sophomore of high school seemed to aid me in having a peace of mind. How could I forget the fullest meeting of "the joy of the Lord"? How could I forget to praise Him in the storms I was facing? How could I possibly forget that in the fullness of Lord, anything empty slips away? He is the Great I Am. I need no answer but the name of Jesus Christ.
I still may not have direct answers of the path of life I am approaching, but that is more than okay. I have found my Answer, I have found my purpose. My Lord is MORE than enough, because He is the answer to all. The desire that often consumes me to have an answer and to have that answer now, does not plague me. In fact, I've found peace in whatever is to come and an overwhelming desire to see the beauty in every day.
Thank you for listening to my vulnerability. I'm praying that the wisdom of a man that came before me 100+ years will bless your heart as it did mine.
You know the Answer that conquers all doubt. Rest in that peace.