The Misconception of "Settling"


I’m guessing you clicked the title of this blog post in a hurry, awaiting the answer for the question that makes you feel conflicted. This post is for those that constantly are worrying if they are “settling”, or if they will ever be in a lonely place in their life that they will have no choice but to “settle”. What if I was to tell you that there is no such thing as “settling”?

From a young age, the idea of “do not settle” has been engrained in my mind- especially throughout Christian communities. We look at our pastor’s wife and see the perfect example of a godly woman. She seems to have had the perfect journey of waiting for her prince to pursue her, and staying still before the Lord. It seems to be that she was a girl that was pursued by many, but chose not to settle for less.

We see the woman that our society views as “settled” for less. Chose the first option that came her way, caved in because she was terrified of being alone and loved. We dread to be her; we wonder if we will be. Choosing an unfulfilling marriage instead of waiting for the real deal.

How misconstrued this concept is.

First, I want to point out that if you have the mentality that you are “settling” for another human being, you must have the concept that you have been elected higher than they on a scale only based on human opinion. We never find in the Bible a warning to not “settle” in regards to marriage. To have the idea that there are people lesser than we is an idea that is not at all corresponding with a Biblical worldview or the gospel at all. We are to think less of ourselves, and more of others. We are to be vessels of Christ, humble servants, intending to love anyone in our path. The idea that we can “settle” by committing to love another human being created in the image of God unnerves me. When we have the worldview that all are made in the image of Christ, we do not struggle with judging whether someone does not deserve our love, or if we are settling by committing ourselves.

Now don’t get my point wrong, the Bible is incredibly adamant about waiting for love, and being equally yoked. It is incredibly important to wait for a man or a woman that is equally obsessed with Christ, and not to just love anyone that comes in our way in the way that we will our future spouse.

“Do not awaken love until it’s time.”/ Songs of Songs 2:7

  “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”/ 2 Corinthians 6:14

My main point is that marriage is the tangible picture of Christ’s love for His bride. Marriage was painted for the intentions of pointing towards the gospel and Christ; not so that we can find pleasure in finding a relationship that screams “goals” in accordance to the world’s standards.

I would like to point out that if there is anyone that should have the concept of “settling for less than you deserve”, it’s the Lord Almighty. What sinful hearts we must have to think that we could possibly be good enough to even deserve a tangible image of Christ’s love such as marriage. No, marriage is not something we deserve. We have been given the gift of marriage, because Christ LOVES. You bet that if there was to be someone settling, it would be Jesus. He constantly pursues our hearts despite our rejection. He chooses the most sinful as His bride. He pours out His faithfulness despite our inconsistency. Our hearts that are continuously turning away from Him, desiring to relish in the world’s pleasures.

This post was heavy on my heart, because it is a lie that I have believed for the majority of my years. One being that I deserve to get married. The other that I need to make sure to not “settle”. What a warped way to view marriage, to view God’s people, to view God. Because of this belief, I have looked down upon other humans made in the Lord’s image as less than or not worthy of my love or pursuit.

This is not to get confused with the idea that you should marry the first guy that gives you butterflies, or says kind words to you. This is the idea that you are to wait for a man equally yoked, adamant about Christ. You are to CHOOSE to love him, to be a vessel in carrying out the picture of Christ’s love.

It is humbling get rid of the mindset that you deserve to be love and known. Our culture needs to get rid of the idea of “settling” for less than we think we deserve. Terminology is important.

Christ didn’t “settle” for us. He chose us. For better or worse. Whether we reciprocate His choice. He chose to love. Walk in the freedom that there isn’t this concept, or constant doubt of whether you are “settling”. Choose to walk in love, knowing full well that the Lord will give you the discernment to know if you are equally yoked.

Truly, we deserve death.

By grace, we receive life. We receive the unexpected joy of a marriage, the enthralling emotions of falling in love with another soul. We receive butterflies in our tummies, and laughter that seems Heavenly. We receive glimpses of eternity, and faithful love.

Not because we didn’t “settle”, not because we deserved it, but because of Christ.