how i deal with failure
I started venturing into things I was always entertained by, always wanted to try, but terribly fearful of. I always admired art, photography, and all forms of creative expression, and kept it strictly to myself. I was never one to like boxes or to reform to the ideas of what I should do, so I began sharing my creative endeavors with the world. I found that the more I shared instead of fearing failure and rejection, the more I found out that I was kind of good at some of these things.
Guys. I failed a lot. A lot of my pictures were overexposed, and I really couldn't master the settings. I got some C's on my graphic design projects that I put my best work for. My work would get torn a part in classes. I felt pressure to constantly express myself through my dress, because all the "creatives" did. I looked for affirmation from my peers to be called "creative". And yes, failed a lot.
But I also excelled. I started finding out the editing type that I liked my pictures to be and created my own editing style. I started putting my words out on the internet and met a lot of friends because of it. I started seeing myself as being creative and got to see more of my Creator in myself. I took senior pictures. I'm going to film a wedding. I drew better than I ever have, and I came up with creative designs. I decided I wanted to be more entrepreneur and came up with ideas to launch my own brand.
Yet, none of my victories mattered. I could have 99 people affirm me, and get so stuck on the one person who was hurtful with their words. I realized fast that I was my worst enemy. I started observing people. I saw talented people answer affirmation by demoting themselves. I saw that this was culturally accepted, and if you didn't, you would be considered prideful. I started noticing this in myself.
It's ridiculous really. We've been given talents, aspirations, and dreams, yet we fail to chase after them because of fear. And when we do, we tear ourselves down in front of others so we can stick the label "humble" on ourselves. We've all heard it, but humility is not thinking less of yourself, but of yourself less.
I was discrediting the creative eye God gave me. The hands that painted pictures. The mouth that spoke words that imitated His. The feet that tried to walk in His steps. I wasn't tearing a part myself. I was tearing a part God's creation.
Honestly, I'm sick of it. If I tell another person their work is beautiful, and they claim "It's nothing", I might just kick a bowling ball. I want to grab that person by their shoulders, stare straight into their eyes, and cry out, "It's something and it holds worth!"
So here I am, not kicking a bowling ball, but grabbing you by your shoulders and crying out that you are worth it, your talents are beautiful, and you should know the full worth of your talents and of who you are! That your Papa God installed His very likeness into you, and when people recognize it- so should you.
I am tired of seeing a people who are ashamed to say "thank you" when they are praised, whether that is their talents or appearance or simply who they are. I'm tired of seeing myself tear my own talents a part, as if it was myself who gave me them.
Let's know our worth, walk in it, and remember that our talents are a mere reflection of Him and not of ourselves. If our friends were walking around our Papa God's world for the first time, praising it's beauty, would we too dismiss that?
Your talents are a penmanship of His detail in your life, and they need to be shared.